i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
