yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
