And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
