those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
