I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
