had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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