i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
