This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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