Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
