I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
