I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
