It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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