dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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