I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
