Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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