There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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