I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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