Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
