went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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