I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
