I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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