So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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