So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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