I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
