He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
