...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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