I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have fence marks all over my body
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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