yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
