I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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