I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
