the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
