So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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