chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
