I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Randomize
