and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
