Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
