I showed him my bush... on skype.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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