Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
