dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
