I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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