I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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