hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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