i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
