New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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