is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
