...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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