Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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