He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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