the condom got lost in my hair
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
