Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
