We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
