We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
